Why?

From the myspace archives.

Why?
(written December 14, 2007)

I get excited about Christmas. I do every year. I always spend too much money on gifts. I spend a lot of time cooking. We decorate. We send cards. We take pictures. I get so excited about waking up to see what Santa brought the kids.

And then I get frustrated. I have spent SO much time cleaning this house the past few days. I've spent a lot of time wrapping presents. I woke up this morning hearing presents being ripped and fighting. When I ran into the living room, my children had donuts and oranges all over the floor. They had moved the couch. And they had taken every present from under the tree and piled them up in the middle of all of this mess. The ripping I'd heard was one of the presents being torn through by another gift. But why did I bother?

Yesterday, New England had its first snow storm of the season. I had to go to the laundry mat. Why? Because my son came home from school with lice. Fun. So, now, not only do I get the joy of cleaning my house AGAIN. I have to wash all of the laundry AGAIN. I know it isn't his fault. But I'm working my butt off to make sure the lice are gone, and they get to destroy what I'm doing right behind me.

While I was at the laundry mat, I decided that I would get pizza for dinner last night and donuts for breakfast today. I knew school would be canceled today, and I wanted them to have a good snow day. So, I thought I would have donuts and hot chocolate for breakfast and they could go play outside until they froze and then come in for more hot chocolate. But that didn't work out. They got to the donuts before I even woke up. They finished those off and pulled out the left-over pizza to eat. Which was one of the boxes in their tower. They had pulled out a couple of oranges and left the peel all over the floor. There is something sticky on the floor. I'm sure it's poorly wiped up juice. Nevertheless, it is disgusting.

I'm so frustrated. I work so hard to make sure they have everything they need. I can't afford to get them everything they want. So, when Christmas comes around, I buy too much. I'm so tired, and they don't get it. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect them too understand. They are too little. But it is depressing. And Santa stopped granting my wishes a long time ago.