Highlight of My Week

I've always loved Truman Capote's short story "Children on Their Birthdays." I love it for no other reason than it's opening sentences. "Yesterday afternoon the six o'clock bus ran over Miss Bobbit. I'm not sure what there is to be said about it . . ." Capote starts us off at the end of the story, so matter-of-factly it verges on comical. The bus ran over Miss Bobbit. Where do you go from there? Why do I say all of this? Because this week, I had one of the most amusing exchanges with another human being that I have had in a long time. Not sure how to begin this story, I will begin in Capote fashion.

While waiting for the bus to arrive on Wednesday evening, I was called a weird white chick by a black midget. I'm not sure what there is to say about that. He was already at the stop when I got there to wait for my bus home. After a few minutes, he asked if I knew what time the next bus down Main Street was since he just missed the one he wanted. When I informed him that it would be about another half an hour for that bus, he said he would take the next one that came. He said that he had been hoping to catch the one down Main Street since it lets him off closer to his house, but he supposed he just couldn't be lazy that night. I said I understood because I no matter which bus I took home, I still had to walk a mile to get home. He looked at me, raising one eyebrow, and said "You look to lazy for that."

I laughed, and said "As a matter of fact, I walk at least 2 miles a day, do yoga every morning, and get to the gym to do cardio and weight lift. Who are you to say I look lazy?" He said "Oh, yeah, yoga is actually pretty tough. That's pretty cool. I tried it once, but I got to lookin' at all the females and I couldn't concentrate. No, no. I can't do no yoga. But weight lifting? Who you tryinna impress?" When I informed him that I just like to stay healthy, and am not trying to impress anyone, he came back with "So, you got some man you're mad at. What'd he do? You wanna kick his ass bad. You're just waitin' for the chance." At this point I told a partial lie. "I don't want to kick anyone's ass. Actually, I'm Buddhist. I'm non-violent." Both eyebrows shot up this time. "Buddhist?? You are one weird white girl! I mean, I could see if you weren't white . . . You do yoga, you a Buddhist . . . What do you do for fun?" I vaguely said that I have lots of interests. I really didn't feel like listing my hobbies for a racist midget while standing in Kennedy Plaza. He starts listing things to which I gave answers of yes and mostly a bunch of no's.

Finally, he said "By the way, my name's Douglas."
"Leann. Nice to meet you."
"Leann?? That's kind of a hick name, isn't it?"
Amused, I said "Well, I am from the South."
"No. I could see it if you said you were from Maine or sumpin, but you don't have an accent."
"That's because I was treated like I was retarded as soon as I opened my mouth, and I learned speak without an accent."
"The South? Where?"
"Virginia."
"Man, that ain't the South."
I laughed, and said "Well, to a lot of New Englanders, it might as well be Georgia."
"Man, people are so ignorant from the South. They aren't educated. Racist and stupid."

At this point, a young man who had been generally annoyed by everything the midget had to say to me stepped into the conversation to talk about how far behind Rhode Island's public education was falling, and the man had no right to talk to me that way. I smiled my thanks, and turned back to the little man.

"I find ignorance everywhere I go."
"No. Not in Rhode Island."
I raised my eyebrow and stayed silent. The little man then started in on how he'd been to Virginia once and the food was so bad, and we steroided the beef and all the meat, and it was disgusting. Didn't I agree?
"I'm vegetarian."
"Oh, so you get all anemic and light-headed."
"See? Ignorance."

Several people who had been listening to this conversation laughed out loud because the midget finally had no come back, and had to shut up for at least 3 seconds.

"You are one weird white chick."
"Thank you."