Who I am . . . or Who am I?

From the myspace archives. This is one is from when I was just starting to think about being vegetarian, and had only cut out red meat.

Who I am . . . or Who am I?
(written December 20, 2006)

This week, at work, I nearly got into a tiff with a co-worker. It was really stupid. I mean, REALLY stupid, in this woman's humble opinion. She's a vegan, and really passionate about it. I personally try to avoid the whole subject because I don't understand anyone who can't dig some charred animal flesh. Yummy! Anyway, I make a killer vegetarian chili - a vegan recipe to be exact - and was offering the recipe to her if she would like to try it. So, don't ask me how this very innocent conversation turned into my making a comment about how gross pigs are. She got offended and said that they aren't that way naturally. I disagreed. If you look at history and some of the laws being passed in the colonies to prevent pigs from running wild and destroying property, I don't see how anyone could say that. She came back saying she's studied animals. To see the look on her face, you'd think I just called her sister a whore. I immediately said I was not going to have that argument with her. My first thought was "Well, if you studied animals, what are you doing running a music education program?" My second thought was "I'm not half that passionate about anything in life." It really got me thinking.

My friend informed me the other night that I am a very intense person. I don't get it. Maybe I am. I have been told I'm a passionate person, and it shows through in everything I do. I don't get it. Maybe I need someone to follow me around and point out when I'm being passionate or intense over something. Or not. Because knowing might change who I am or how I act. Which might be a good thing, but maybe not. Because I am how I am, take it or leave it.

I was thinking too, that this woman is the office vegan. Everyone feels they have to be politically correct around her. It's horrible. It is what defines her. So, another thing she had me thinking about is what would define me. I have come to realize that I'm the "theatre chick". I can't help it. I have a degree in it. I work in it. Most of my friends are in it or around it. Theatre people do tend to be a breed of our own. While most people have a job and hobbies and friends for each thing, theatre is a job and a hobby and its how you meet most of your friends. It is all intertwined. This idea of my being the office "theatre chick" was recently manifested in being introduced to another of my co-worker's friends. Her friend gave me a compliment on the dress I was wearing, and my co-worker said that I was in theatre and knew how to add a little drama to everything. Theatre is what people remember about me. Theatre is what people find interesting about me. I suppose it is because theatre is the first love of my life and it has never let me down.

But there is so much more to me. I once dated someone for almost a year, and when we were breaking up, he said he still felt like I was a stranger sometimes. Why? Because he was always learning something new about me, hearing a new story. I think that's a good thing. Maybe that means I'm not totally defined by theatre. I know there's a lot more to me. So, how do I show that? Maybe I need to start showing what I'm about by shutting up.

Thanks for letting me ramble on.