When I Miss You

When I miss you
I sit on the empty bed
and stare
at the gifts ungiven
casting shadows of violence
across the walls

When I miss you
I take long drives
to lose myself
and I try not to remember
it was you who drove
while holding my hand

When I miss you
I find
the picture
of a painting
of me
and I try to understand
how you painted so much love into a canvas
while denying my skin

When I miss you
I stare
at your phone number
remembering
the hardness of your eyes
and the determination in your jaw
giving orders
for the bombing of our home
and I do not call